— Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill (via julie911)
(via quote-book)
For the first time in my 21 years of existence, I have come to the point in my life when everything has come down to working my ass off just for graduation, doing everything in the smallest time possible, having to work all day without breakfast for 5 straight days, not being able to go home during the weekends, sleep with fear, wake up with uncertainty, hope for the best, and try…
For the past 2 months, not a single day has been nothing more than extraordinaire. “Everyday is an adventure” is simply an understatement. At the end of each day, I find myself sighing with relief, and saying to myself how I thank God I survived another day. This year has got to be one of the biggest and most challenging, yet very fulfilling years of my life. A marker event, unto which the future of my everything gravely depends.
I try to be happy, I do. However, as happiness is but a mere choice, the search for one is nothing but a chief source of unhappiness. So, I let it all in, just moving where the wind blows, and not having a care in the world for whatever happens next… just being in the ‘here and now’.
With the closing of one out of 7 rotations, I have come to realize how different a person I am now. I don’t recognize myself anymore… It’s funny how everyday nothing changes, but as I look back, everything has changed. Nothing has ever been the same again. Knowing that change is the only thing constant in this world, it still was a surprise having to find yourself look in the mirror and see someone that you used to know.
I am deeply having a ‘Big O’ moment. I feel like I don’t do things to the best of my abilities, and doing just that costed me so much. I fully regret not having to give my all. But going back to those moments, I know I would’ve still done what I did. Because the future is nothing but a blur, and the present is dragging on like a ship’s window view of the sea; seems like unchanging, and you don’t notice it taking you somewhere.
I would’ve, but I couldn’t have. And knowing that is what makes this Big O feeling much worse. Knowing that you could’ve done something but that you still wouldn’t have done anything, is like having to watch un ugly movie at home; you could’ve changed the channel if you wanted to, but since the remote control was out of reach, knowing that it will eventually end, you decide to bear with it and hope that the next movie is better.
Things in my life now have never been more complex and serious than ever. But what’s very annoying with life is that all that’s gonna matter for now is what is happening in the now. Being in this moment sucks, but, since it’s my fault, I have nothing but the choice to bear it and just get on with it. I just wished I didn’t have to bear it alone, that’s all.
Hoping for better sails this second rotation.
- I.G.
#11
It’s the 1st of March, but it seems others think that February still lingers in the air. Although ‘playing cupid’ may be cute to look at in plays or in movies, it’s not always fun to be one of the persons to be played at by the ‘playing cupid’. There are those little things in life that just wouldn’t fail to burst our bubble; things that can make a great day suddenly lame. Take for example when your friends would oh so obviously try to push you to someone you don’t have even a cell of feeling or any kind of emotional attachment for — it’s lame, and sometimes stupid and a little off. Lame, because they’re your friends, and somehow, they should know when and where to stop their ‘acting role of cupid’. Stupid, because one person could ultimately get hurt, and you know that it’s exactly not gonna be you, but the other person they’re misleading.
Yes, there are things in life that can and may be forced, but trying to grow feelings for a person isn’t exactly one of those. Let’s just hope the other person doesn’t get their hopes up.
-I.G.
Would you believe that about 3 to 4 years ago, I was not who I am now?
Well, everyone isn’t anyway. Everyday, nothing changes, and yet whenever we look back, everything has changed. But the beauty in that is that who we are now are somehow products of who we were before, right?
Small twists of fate make or break us. Small twists that we have no way of controlling. Like for example, If I didn’t have that flu while I was taking the USTET, maybe I wouldn’t have failed it miserably, and then I would be in a different course right now… like maybe pharmacy or medical technology. But no, I had to have a flu right exactly on the day that I’m taking that exam… and look where it got me; I failed to reach the cut-off grade for the aforementioned courses. Luckily, I was able to pass the cut-off for OT, and I got in just when I thought every hope was lost. I planned on shifting to PT from OT during my 2nd year, but a twist was I got accepted for a scholarship during my first year and found out that I’ll have to lose my scholarship if I ever shift to another course. So what’s funny was that even right from the very beginning, I believe that God’s plan was for me to be where I am right now; I’m stuck with OT, literally.
Two simple twists already decided 5 years of my future, or even more years thereafter. When I was starting to get a hang of what OT really was, I said, I’m definitely not for OT. But when I became a senior, when everything was not at all what it seemed, and when the walls seem to close on me, I know, that maybe there was a reason why I am here. Think about it… of all the courses that I can enter, why OT? And of all the reasons, why do I have to lose my precious scholarship when I shift to PT? I didn’t know the answer to any of these questions. But what I know and what I am sure of is that this is exactly where God wants me to be. And sometimes, yes, it may feel like fighting an already losing battle, like there’s no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, or a fragment of light at the end of the tunnel. But every little thing that’s worth having never ever comes easy, right?
So maybe those cruel twists of fate were really part of God’s amazing plan. But now comes that hard part. How then can you succeed when all the people around you seems to want to see you hit. rock. solid. bottom?
Simple… don’t give up climbing those walls set around you; if you can’t break ‘em, climb ‘em. And if they ever succeed on making you hit rock solid bottom, rise up from the ashes and start all over again. Remember that there’s no pause button in our lifetime, only play and stop. It’s either you keep moving forward, or you die and end your life. You choose. There are no rewind or fast forward buttons as well. There’s only the here and now. You may think that you can just sit down and reminisce the good ol’ times for all you want, but when you wake up, you’re still exactly where you were when you dozed off. And when you try to put time in the fast forward lane, you’ll wake up one day and you’ll realize that you’ve gone by life’s road way too fast to even appreciate it and you’ll find yourself wanting to go back because your time’s already up.
What I’m saying is we humans have the power to anything and everything. But most importantly, we have the power to make our lives worth looking back to during the moment when you know that it’s time go.
They say that “regret is always at the end”, but I say, its better to go with a smile on your face and a thought in your head that says “hell, life would definitely miss me.” So hold on to those twists and turns of fate, they happened for a reason, and so were you.
- I.G.
It’s been a while since I last made a post about things I care about… I mean, with all the work my course has been forcing into my already jam-packed brain, I can hardly find the time to know even current events of the country, like the earthquake that happened in the Visayas regions about a month ago.
So anyway, since I’m having this surprisingly really long weekend all to myself, why not make the most out of it? Besides, I made this blog for this reason, you know, so that I may be able to say things someone like me wouldn’t say in person.
I’m gonna start tomorrow. I’m just gonna have to say that I’m no writer, I just would really like to try this out, i.e. finding a way to lash out everything, especially at times when I feel like I’m gonna explode and my friends don’t have a care or the time in the world to listen, and well, I don’t have a boyfriend, so, quondam ort would kind of fill in that role for a while.
Til tomorrow then.
- I.G.
A difference in perspectives:
Some would view this as a foolish act; that rising high alone would make you weak and be swayed easily by the wind.
But there are others who would view this as an act of courage; that sometimes, you have to rise above everyone else if that’s what it takes to be who you want to be and to be able to see your horizon, because even that takes a great deal of courage to do.
Well, I’d say, do the second. Rise above, and be the standard. Because mediocrity is boring.
(Source: mochacafe, via thatbeautifulmess)
Sadly, we can’t always follow the second line… Because sometimes, we don’t have a choice.
(Source: niohundra-nittionio, via drink-up-babydoll)
